ASK AN ELFTOWN NINJA!

This wiki has no afiliation with www.askaninja.

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Are you a fan of www.Askaninja.com or have you just wanted to know how the hell ninjas do all the cool deadly stuff they do? Here at Ask An Elftown Ninja we are prepared to answer your questions without you having to wait for your favorite podcasting Ninja Master!

Please send your Ninja questions to [Ravenclaw] and check back here to see if your question is answered!

Please note that questions resembling those already answered at askaninja.com will not be answered. It's redundant and we feel like we are cheating off our Ninja brethren.

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QUESTION #1:

[Evolution X] asks:

What other body parts can a ninja use to break bricks and stuff?

Good question Evo, not one we here at Ask an Elftown Ninja hear everyday. There are the obvious extremities like arms and legs, the usual fist or head. But using other parts of your body requires rigorous, intense and deadly training. Like I saw a guy one time disintegrate a cinderblock to dust only with his ear! He said he trained for years with a master of the Q-Tip form. Another guy I met once, well actually it was his girlfriend... ehhhhhh it was in a movie I saw once... Well I watched it for research on a guy I had to kill. Any way I can’t say the name of the movie for legal reasons. *coughs” stag film *coughs* But boy was she angry... let me tell you. I don't recommend anyone ever trying that at home. It’s a wonder he isn’t singing tenor with the Vienna Boys Choir.... Ouch.... Any way Evo I do NOT recommend trying to break bricks and things with parts of your body UNLESS you are a fully trained ninja. It’s just not worth the broken bones, internal bleeding and cerebral hemorrhaging.

Good Question Evo! I look forward to RP killing you soon!

Question #2:

[Chel.] asks:

Do Ninjas take off their uniform? If not how do they keep it so clean?

The answer Chel-Sama is ..... No. Some of you might be saying “Well what bout B.O. and taking a shower or what happens if you have to kill someone in a sewer?” That actually happened to me once... Half man half alligator, stole a little girls dolly. I ripped his jugular out with my feet. Funny sight really. Any way! The reason that we do not shed our Ninja Garb is because true Ninja have trained in the ways of the Chi and have mastered our sweat glands. Some even go as far as to study with monks and pluck every sweat gland out of their body in a painstaking 24 hour ceremony. Which you have to be careful when you do it or you could die. And if you don't finish in the allotted time, they kill you. Not a pretty sight. First they pull out ALL of your hair, then tie each individual hair around a sweat gland and RIPTHEMPOUTALLATONCE!. I‘ve only seen it done one time, believe you me you do not want to have that happen to you..... *sigh* poor Gary...

Where was I?... OH yes! We don’t take off our uniforms so HOW do we keep them clean you ask? I shall tell you. All Ninja make their uniforms. Some use souls, some use shadows. That’s all well and good, they stay really clean, especially if you use a clean soul to start with. But you try finding thread that will actually hold a soul together? The guy who made it retired. Well... I killed him, but that’s sort of like retirement. Back to your question... I personally like to use the ears of the notorious Dragon Bunny to make my uniform. Yeah I know what your thinking! Your picturing a little furry bunny with a few green scales and little dragon wings. Well you’d only be half right! They are a demented, twisted breed of dragon that breath fire hotter than Hell’s inferno, they have ravaged across worlds you’ve never even heard of and believe you me do not want to hit one with a car. Yeash totaled my Datsund like it was nothing. But any way the ears of the Dragon Bunny are fire resistant and don’t chaff like your common soul. They have this nice silky lining that breaths like Egyptian Cotton. And a well made Dragon Bunny suit lasts a good century or two if you take good care of it. When I do get some schmutz on my uniform I just go take a dip in a volcano or stand in a geyser. It’s better than dry cleaning really. Takes care of red wine stains too.

Thanks for the question Chel, I look forward to RP killing you soon!

Question #3:

[shadow of darkness] asks

What do Ninjas think of Chuck Noris?

Good question Sod! Ya know many Ninjas do not like Chuck. Some think that his career as a Ninja is compromised because he doesn't kill. That capitalizing off his Ninja skills are contradicting to Ninja belief. Some say that he is not even a true Ninja. Personally Chuck and I are very close. We do lunch on occasions, we’ve killed together a few times. Purely recreational and plutonic I might add. True Ninjas do not kill with their buddies on assignments. That’s just asking for trouble. I mean unless you know your accomplice very well and have killed with them before you are just going to get pwned. I mean no one wants to go out for a kill and find out that their friend is having second thoughts. If that happens you have to kill your friend and where does that leave you? Yep, friendless... But since Chuck and I are close we feel comfortable enough to kill with one another. I was even in one of his movies. You can’t see me because ... well I AM a Ninja. Back to your question Sod: To say that Chuck is not a Ninja because he doesn't kill is pure blasphemy. What they don’t get is that they haven’t SEEN Chuck kill. And what could be more Ninja than that? That is like the definition of Ninja! To kill without being seen. And he gets paid! Now Ninjas kill for fun on occasion like I mentioned before. But Ninjas acquire monetary assets by killing. That's one reason we are Ninjas. We get paid for doing what we love and that is killing. So yes Chuck kills and yes Chuck gets paid for it. Meaning that Chuck is a Ninja! Those Ninja who don't like him just don’t know him and that is judging a book by it’s cover... or in Chuck’s case, judging a Ninja by his beard.

Thanks for the question Sod I look forward to RP killing you soon!

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QUESTION #4:

[Blood Sucking Beauty] asks: Where did the term Ninja come about?

That’s a difficult one to answer Hitsugaya. We all know that the Ninja derived from that of the Japanese culture. But no one wants the textbook answer. So I’m going to finally reveal the TRUE origin of the Ninja.

Back in the day (which was a Wednesday) Japan was the happening place. It was THE party spot. Any way there was this overlord guy who was muscling his way into all the action. He and his army where all big and bad, making the place just not fun. This guy made Attila the Hun look like the Easter Bunny. So the Daimyo of the region sent out a decree stating that he wanted an army of the countries best assassins. What he got where five farmers and a 16 year old girl. The Daimyo decided the best thing to do was to train them in every way possible. All of them except the girl. She was to be the one who cooked and mend all their clothes and stuff. So he trained the farmers into supreme fighting machines capable of defeating the Daimyo’s best Samurai. Meanwhile the girl learned to cook a mean casserole. When the day came that they where to fight the overlord the five men didn’t stand a chance. They put a pretty good dent in his army but the overlord was still standing. For their insolence the overlord went after the Daimyo. But the girl had beat him to it and by the time the overlord got there the Daimyo’s army of samurai warriors where ready. There was a blazing battle with catapults, dragons, gryphons and flesh eating bunnies... The five warriors where dead, there where bodies scattered all across the field and yet the overlord fought on. When everyone was dead the overlord looked at the destruction he had wrought. The only one left was the Daimyo and the girl. The Daimyo having been an old man ordered the girl to defend him. The battle was fierce and even the Daimyo regretted not training the girl. But in the end she was victorious because while the five men where training she was watching and practicing in secret. As he died the overlord asked her name. She replied “Nin.” and with his dieing breath the overlord whispered “Niiiinnjaaaaaaa.” from that day forward the Daimyo ordered her to train assassins for him and for all of them to be called Ninja.

So there you have it. The term Ninja is actually the last words of an assassinated man. Kind fitting really.

Thanks Hitsugaya! I look forward to RP killing you soon!

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OMNICHEL

[Chel.] has asked a few questions that have gone unanswered. In the true spirit of the Ask A Ninja Culture I give you OMNICHEL!

Omni is when a ninja answers a plethora of ninja related questions at one time. Preferably with rapid fire succession but this has to be typed so yeah.

OMNICHEL

"Can some of my hair stick out of my uniform to give me originality?"

Originality can be very dangerous if your a Ninja. If you’re wearing all black and have an afro sticking out of your mask your going to get noticed. Not only will you be in danger of people recognizing you, you could end up with a really bad nickname... like Afro Ninja.

"Do you like duckies?"

Duckies can be really annoying. You go to throw a shuriken and your target ducks. Duckies is actually a disorder associated with Ninja attacks. People who are so afraid of a Ninja attack they duck randomly. You can spot people with Duckies Disease anywhere. The most serious cases of DD are those people you see those people walking down the street and they “trip” over nothing. It’s actually a highly skilled maneuver to avoid random Ninja attacks. It’s especially hard to kill a person with DD unless you learn to aim low.

"I want to bake you some cookies...what's your favorite kind?"

THE KIND THAT KILL. The best cookies to poison are chocolate chip. Have you ever asked someone “Want a cookie? It’s chocolate chip!” Have they ever told you no? I didn't think so.

"I know about our rivalry with pirates...but what about Vikings?"

Vikings are cool. Not as snooty as pirates... That Beowulf guy was a bit of a dick though. Always shouting “I AM BEOWULF!” That gets really annoying when your repelling from the ceiling shrouded in shadows. People catch on that something's going to happen when they hear that. They aren’t the most stealthy of individuals but they have their strengths. You can often convince them to go pillage where you need to assassinate someone. Say your target is in a bunker with armed guards. Send a horde of Vikings in and watch them scatter. Your target is left unguarded and prime for the kill.

Thanks for the questions Chel! I look forward to RP killing you soon!

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